View Full Version : Maine, the way life should be!!



Starzz
01-22-2007, 12:05 PM
The Maine Turnpike began a new program this summer where they handed out flyers titled "Welcome To Vacationland. "
These flyers will be handed out to all cars with license plates from Massachusetts, Connecticut, New York, and New Jersey.

The flyers state the following rules for visiting Maine:

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy you are snickering at did more work before breakfast than you did all week in the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slowly you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. We have four wheel drive because we need it. Now drive, or get out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw "Bambi." We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked...by our women.

5. Pull your pants up, and turn that hat around. You look like an idiot.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You best pray that it's not up by your ear at that time!

7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Order a two-pound lobster and steamers. Or, if you still want vegetables, you can order the Chef Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey covering it.

8. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

9. If you bring Coke into our houses, it had better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

10. So you have a $60,000 car. yippee. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million dollar skidders to pull logs out of the woods.

11. Let's get this straight: we have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow. Hell, we may even stop when it's green if we see something interesting across the road.

12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because they want to. So you say you're a feminist. Isn't that cute? For the record, Margaret Chase Smith, Olympia Snowe, and Susan Collins have all represented Maine in the U.S. Senate. How many women have represented your feminist-enlightened state?

13. Yeah, we eat lobster, scallops, clams, and haddock, too. If you want sushi and caviar, they're available at the bait shop.

14. They are called pigs and cows.That's what they smell like. Get used to it. If you don't like it, there are two lanes on the Maine Turnpike and Route One...take the southbound one.

15. "Opening Day" refers to the first of fishin' and deer season. They are religious holidays. You can get breakfast at the church...at 3 A.M.

16. So what if everyone in a pickup waves at you? It's called being friendly. How does that concept rate where you come from?

17. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the water hazards. It spooks the fish and the turtles.

18. Chowder is supposed to be white. Don't even think of asking for red chowder until you're somewhere safely south of White Plains.

19. All the boats in Maine point in the same direction because that's what harbor masters are trained to do.

20. The farthest you got is Ogunquit? That isn't real Maine.
That's northern Massachusetts.

21. Yeah, the paper mills emit a smell like rotting cabbage. Do you want it closed down? Bad odor means good people are working.

22. Bar Harbor, Camden, and Kennebunkport are really tourist traps which no self-respecting Mainer visits, but won't tell you that because we want your money. Besides, how else will we unload all those "authentic" Maine artifacts that were made in Taiwan?

23. You'll notice when there are seagulls flying overhead, the locals don't stop to look up at them because of two things: bird poop and gravity.

24. Cars with Massachusetts license plates are treated with great respect, and given a wide berth, as everyone knows M*******s can't drive.

25. Unless followed by the word "Sucks," the word "Yankees" should never appear on an article of clothing within the Northern Territory of Red Sox Nation.

craftycaching
01-22-2007, 12:11 PM
Gotta be able to laugh ---imagine if they did pass that out!!!!:eek: :eek:
Someone surely wouldn't be impressed!! Then we would be out their picking up flyers they through out their windows!!:rolleyes: Thanks for posting it! I have a few friends who will really like that one.:)

Hiker Twins
01-22-2007, 12:16 PM
This is funny and I really liked it, and #21 really fits since my husband works at a paper mill and we live on Mill View Rd...and yes, we can see the smoke from the mill although we used to be able to see the mill before the woods grew tall and restricted the view!

Sabby
01-22-2007, 12:26 PM
Thanks for a good laugh this morning.

I feel there is a lot of truth there.

brdad
01-22-2007, 02:33 PM
Good one!
Can we see what they gave the cars with Canadian plates? :D

ribnag
01-22-2007, 08:46 PM
brdad : Can we see what they gave the cars with Canadian plates?

"We post our speed limits in Miles, not Kilometers, per hour. We then add ten or twenty for good measure. Please drive accordingly."

(Actually that only seems to apply to Ontarians, but still, can't hurt to give to everyone) ;)

Team2hunt
01-22-2007, 08:57 PM
I have had #4 applied to me several times in the past year. And I'm getting pretty tired of it.

Hiram357
01-22-2007, 10:33 PM
#15, hell! that's one of those 11 commandment things! :D

FuddsGirls
01-24-2007, 09:33 AM
Thought from a 13 yr transplant.... Are you sure Bangor isn't northern Maine?

brdad
01-24-2007, 10:15 AM
Thought from a 13 yr transplant.... Are you sure Bangor isn't northern Maine?

I like how 90% of people who live between Augusta and Portland think they are in Central Maine. I'm guessing most of those never even made it to Bangor, much less Estcourt, Maine, or they might think otherwise!

The geographic center of Maine is about N 45° 16.9981' W 69° 13.9989', which is just north of Sebec Lake.

Obviously, if we use population or microcaches as our criteria, Central Maine does move south. If we use pine trees, it probably moves northwest. But since when do we determine the center of an area by people or pine trees? ;)

http://www.bytethebullet.com/geocaching/images/centralmaine.jpg

Hiram357
01-24-2007, 11:55 AM
I like how 90% of people who live between Augusta and Portland think they are in Central Maine. I'm guessing most of those never even made it to Bangor, much less Estcourt, Maine, or they might think otherwise!

The geographic center of Maine is about N 45 16.9981' W 69 13.9989', which is just north of Sebec Lake.

Obviously, if we use population or microcaches as our criteria, Central Maine does move south. If we use pine trees, it probably moves northwest. But since when do we determine the center of an area by people or pine trees? ;)

http://www.bytethebullet.com/geocaching/images/centralmaine.jpg


Well, if central Maine is where the population goes... and the central maine is moving south.... then who cares??? :D :D :D

FuddsGirls
01-24-2007, 02:23 PM
You know it was a joke, I do concider Bowdoinham to be southern but since the farthest I'v ever been is just above Bangor, that's north to me. We had friends with family in Caribou. Our friends from Connecticut would stop here after 5 hrs of driving and still not be half way.

Dave and Gail
01-25-2007, 08:57 PM
Way to go Starzz....Made my day!! One question though...If we have a tourist season...How come we can't hunt them??? LOL

Beach Comber
01-25-2007, 09:07 PM
Thought from a 13 yr transplant.... Are you sure Bangor isn't northern Maine?

I was talking with a friend of mine yesterday and she referred to a place far away - northern Maine - come to find out she was referring to Lincolnville!! It is entertaining to talk with people who have rarely travelled farther north than Freeport about where places are in the rest of the state. On the flip side - I work in a medical practice in Portland where we see patients from all around the state. They are surprised that I know where they are from, let alone that often times I have been there.

WhereRWe?
01-25-2007, 09:21 PM
You know it was a joke, I do concider Bowdoinham to be southern but since the farthest I'v ever been is just above Bangor, that's north to me. We had friends with family in Caribou. Our friends from Connecticut would stop here after 5 hrs of driving and still not be half way.

Actually, Portland is closer to New York City than it is to Fort Kent (driving distance, anyway...) :eek: :eek:

Hiram357
01-25-2007, 10:29 PM
Actually, Portland is closer to New York City than it is to Fort Kent (driving distance, anyway...) :eek: :eek:

and waterville is closer to San Fransisco than it is to Balashikha... :confused:

WhereRWe?
01-26-2007, 10:05 AM
and waterville is closer to San Fransisco than it is to Balashikha... :confused:

Your point being??? :confused: :confused: :confused:

Starzz
01-26-2007, 10:59 AM
Way to go Starzz....Made my day!! One question though...If we have a tourist season...How come we can't hunt them??? LOL

Good question...

so if anyone from maine visits campobello island this summer, they would be considered tourists... so WATCH OUT!! :D:p;)