View Full Version : OT: A guy's guide to Christmas shopping



firefighterjake
12-13-2005, 04:58 PM
From my bi-weekly humor column.

http://www.villagesoup.com/guestcolumns/story.cfm?storyID=64984

Hiram357
12-13-2005, 05:12 PM
This morning I heard a story on the radio of a woman who was out
Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after
row of toys and everything else imaginable, and after hours of hearing both
her children asking for everything they saw, she finally made it to the elevator with her two kids.

She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season.....overwhelming pressure to go to every party,
taste all the holiday food and treats, getting that perfect gift for every
single person on our shopping list, making sure we don't forget anyone on
our card list. Finally the elevator doors opened and there was already a crowd in the car.
She pushed her way in and dragged her two kids with her and
all the bags of stuff. When the doors closed she couldn't take it anymore
and said, "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found,
strung up and shot.!"

From the back of the car everyone heard a quiet calm voice respond,
"Don't worry. We already crucified him."

> Don't forget this year to keep the One who started this whole 'Christmas
> thing' in your every thought, deed, purchase, and word. If we all did it,
> just think of how different this whole world would be

firefighterjake
12-13-2005, 05:32 PM
> Don't forget this year to keep the One who started this whole 'Christmas
> thing' in your every thought, deed, purchase, and word. If we all did it,
> just think of how different this whole world would be

Yeah, just think of how American retailers would suffer. :) Of course they'd probably just come up with a new national holiday centered around giving gifts, cards, hosting parties, etc. . . . National Baked Bean Day or something to that effect.

Trezurs*-R-*Fun
12-13-2005, 05:45 PM
This morning I heard a story on the radio of a woman who was out
Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after
row of toys and everything else imaginable, and after hours of hearing both
her children asking for everything they saw, she finally made it to the elevator with her two kids.

She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season.....overwhelming pressure to go to every party,
taste all the holiday food and treats, getting that perfect gift for every
single person on our shopping list, making sure we don't forget anyone on
our card list. Finally the elevator doors opened and there was already a crowd in the car.
She pushed her way in and dragged her two kids with her and
all the bags of stuff. When the doors closed she couldn't take it anymore
and said, "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found,
strung up and shot.!"

From the back of the car everyone heard a quiet calm voice respond,
"Don't worry. We already crucified him."

> Don't forget this year to keep the One who started this whole 'Christmas
> thing' in your every thought, deed, purchase, and word. If we all did it,
> just think of how different this whole world would be



What??!! Hiram there is no reference here to drinking or opening a "cold one." You running a fever?;)

Mainiac1957
12-13-2005, 05:52 PM
What??!! Hiram there is no reference here to drinking or opening a "cold one." You running a fever?;)
Looks like there is hope for him after all.;)

dí76
12-13-2005, 06:03 PM
So JAy,

One can assume you weren't the three wise men.

You could of just told her you gave her the gift of loyalty and love, the gift that keeps on giving.
:D

Hiram357
12-13-2005, 07:37 PM
What??!! Hiram there is no reference here to drinking or opening a "cold one." You running a fever?;)

uhhh, well i was drinking a beer while i was posting it (does that count) i figured in spirit of the season i would keep my post family friendly, you know.. for this kiddies, but since you brought it up i'm rasing my glass to my post!! :D

Hiram357
12-13-2005, 07:41 PM
So JAy,

One can assume you weren't the three wise men.

You could of just told her you gave her the gift of loyalty and love, the gift that keeps on giving.
:D


Ya know Dave, I got away with giving a girlfriend FAKE flowers one time... I told her that I would have gotten her real ones but they would just wilt and die, but i wanted something to represent my love for her, so i got the fake ones that would never die and always be in bloom! :D (and that they were only $1.50 and the real ones were like $20) *cough* yeah, that relationship only lasted 2 years.

Hiram357
12-13-2005, 07:43 PM
Yeah, just think of how American retailers would suffer. :) Of course they'd probably just come up with a new national holiday centered around giving gifts, cards, hosting parties, etc. . . . National Baked Bean Day or something to that effect.

I would support a National Baked Bean Day!!! ( I don't think people within a 10 mile radius around me would though ) :o

dí76
12-13-2005, 07:48 PM
Ya know Dave, I got away with giving a girlfriend FAKE flowers one time... I told her that I would have gotten her real ones but they would just wilt and die, but i wanted something to represent my love for her, so i got the fake ones that would never die and always be in bloom! :D (and that they were only $1.50 and the real ones were like $20) *cough* yeah, that relationship only lasted 2 years.

sounds like a pretty good deal, $1.50 for two years. The holidays could border prositution but most don't like to look at it from that angle.:)

Beach Comber
12-13-2005, 08:39 PM
Ya know Dave, I got away with giving a girlfriend FAKE flowers one time... I told her that I would have gotten her real ones but they would just wilt and die, but i wanted something to represent my love for her, so i got the fake ones that would never die and always be in bloom! :D (and that they were only $1.50 and the real ones were like $20) *cough* yeah, that relationship only lasted 2 years.

Oh, that is just TOO darn sweet. ai yi yi :rolleyes: I think it is the "I got away with" that just makes the sentiment that much more meaningful.

dí76
12-13-2005, 08:44 PM
Oh, that is just TOO darn sweet. ai yi yi :rolleyes: I think it is the "I got away with" that just makes the sentiment that much more meaningful.

You know Judy, If we were all like you it would be a perfect world so for now I will settle with he got away with it. You notice the key is it only last for two years. That lucky dog. I was stuck in it for 10 years. I never did the plastic flowers but had I thought of it you bet i would:D

Hiram357
12-13-2005, 08:52 PM
hahahahaha.... i've got tears in my eyes... this is too funny, how a nice meaninful post could turn into this... and geeze dave, you were stuck in it for 10 years, maybe you should've gotten the plastic flowers :D

Hiram357
12-13-2005, 08:53 PM
Oh, that is just TOO darn sweet. ai yi yi :rolleyes: I think it is the "I got away with" that just makes the sentiment that much more meaningful.

yeah, I am quite the romantic :cool:

Beach Comber
12-13-2005, 08:57 PM
You know Judy, If we were all like you it would be a perfect world so for now I will settle with he got away with it. You notice the key is it only last for two years. That lucky dog. I was stuck in it for 10 years. I never did the plastic flowers but had I thought of it you bet i would:D

:pJust call me Pollyanna

:eek: But then again if one considers how PERFECT my world is, you would know that the fake flowers would be a positive addition - LOL