Just a little pick me up
I thought that some of you may enjoy this
Man Falls Asleep At Church...
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at thelocal church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, myhusband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's veryembarrassing. What should I do?""I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I willmotion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him agood poke in the leg."In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticingthis, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made theultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones."Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with thehatpin."Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who isyour redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towardsMrs. Jones."God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin."Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did notnotice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a fewmotions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet herhusband with the hatpin again.The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she borehim his 99th son?"Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick thatgoddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in halfand shove it up your ass!""Amen," replied the congregation
there were these 3 blondes stuck on an island and one found a magic lamp. they rubbed the magic lamp and a genie came out to grant each of them one wish. the first blonde say I want to be a brunette so I can be smart and figure a way off of this island *POOF* she turns into a brunette chops down a tree, builds a boats and paddles off to shore. the second blonde sees how well that worked and wished to become a redhead so she could get off the island too *POOF* she turns into a redhead, and using some trinkets from her purse and a few things on the island she builds a radio and calls the coast gaurd to come pick her up. the 3rd blonde says i want to be really smart too so i can get off the island *POOF* she turns into a man and then walks across the bridge back to shore!!!! :D
Subject: Anniversary Blues
>>>A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.
>>>His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway
>>>for me that goes from zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat". The next
>>>morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it
>>>and found a brand new bathroom scale. Funeral arrangements for the
>>>husband have been set for Saturday.