Computer Terms in Maine
Log on - Make the wood stove hotta.
Log off - Don't add no more wood.
Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove.
Download - Getting the firewood off the truck.
Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood.
Ram - The thing that split that firewood.
Hard drive - Getting home in the winta.
Prompt - What the mail ain't during the winta.
Window - What to shut when it's cold outside.
Screen - What to shut during black fly season.
Screen saver - Duct tape for the torn window screen.
Byte - What the black flies do.
Bit - What the black flies did.
Megabyte - What the BIG black flies do during trout season.
Chip - Munchies for TV.
Microchip - The crumbs in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
Modem - What you did to the weeds growing in the driveway.
Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife.
Lap top - Where the beer spills when you pass out.
Software - The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonalds.
Hardware - Real stainless steel cutlery.
Mouse - What makes the holes in the Cheerios box.
Main frame - What holds the house up, hopefully.
Enter - The only way to win those magazine ad sweepstakes.
Web - What a spida makes.
Web site - What's found in the corners of high ceilings.
Cursor - Someone who swears.
Search engine - What you do when the caa dies.
Home page - Map you keep in your back pocket in case you get lost in the woods.
Upgrade - Steep hill.
Server - Waitress.
Mail server - Male waitress, damn few in Maine.
Sound card - One of them technological birthday cards that plays music when you open it.
User - The neighbor who keeps borrowing stuff.
Browser - A problem moose in the garden or blueberry patch.
Network - Mending holes in the fishnet.
Internet - Complicated fishnet repair method.
Netscape - What haddock do when you don't do your network.
Online - Good sign there'll be clean clothes this week.
Offline - The clothespins let go and the laundry falls to the ground.