Computer Terms in Maine

Log on - Make the wood stove hotta.

Log off - Don't add no more wood.

Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove.

Download - Getting the firewood off the truck.

Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood.

Ram - The thing that split that firewood.

Hard drive - Getting home in the winta.

Prompt - What the mail ain't during the winta.

Window - What to shut when it's cold outside.

Screen - What to shut during black fly season.

Screen saver - Duct tape for the torn window screen.

Byte - What the black flies do.

Bit - What the black flies did.

Megabyte - What the BIG black flies do during trout season.

Chip - Munchies for TV.

Microchip - The crumbs in the bag after you've eaten the chips.

Modem - What you did to the weeds growing in the driveway.

Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife.

Lap top - Where the beer spills when you pass out.

Software - The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonalds.

Hardware - Real stainless steel cutlery.

Mouse - What makes the holes in the Cheerios box.

Main frame - What holds the house up, hopefully.

Enter - The only way to win those magazine ad sweepstakes.

Web - What a spida makes.

Web site - What's found in the corners of high ceilings.

Cursor - Someone who swears.

Search engine - What you do when the caa dies.

Home page - Map you keep in your back pocket in case you get lost in the woods.

Upgrade - Steep hill.

Server - Waitress.

Mail server - Male waitress, damn few in Maine.

Sound card - One of them technological birthday cards that plays music when you open it.

User - The neighbor who keeps borrowing stuff.

Browser - A problem moose in the garden or blueberry patch.

Network - Mending holes in the fishnet.

Internet - Complicated fishnet repair method.

Netscape - What haddock do when you don't do your network.

Online - Good sign there'll be clean clothes this week.

Offline - The clothespins let go and the laundry falls to the ground.