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Thread: OT - Santa Humor

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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Solon, Maine
    Posts
    5,940

    Default OT - Santa Humor

    An Announcement From Santa
    >
    > I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I
    > will no longer be able to serve Southern United States
    > on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current
    > population of the earth, my contract was re-negotiated
    > by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now
    > serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois,
    > Wisconsin and Michigan.
    >
    > As part of the new and better contract I also get
    > longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in
    > mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be
    > in good hands with your local replacement who happens
    > to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the
    > family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of
    > delivering toys to all the good boys and girls;
    > however, there are a few differences between us.
    > Differences such as:
    >
    > 1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your
    > presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his
    > sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys
    > insured by Smith and Wesson."
    >
    > 2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus ! prefers
    > that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a
    > moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a
    > pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an
    > empty spit can handy.
    >
    > 3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared,
    > flying' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the
    > mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one
    > time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's
    > fireplace.
    >
    > 4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and
    > Blitzen ..."when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll
    > hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and
    > Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty."
    >
    > 5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!"
    >
    > 6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus'
    > sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the
    > back with the words "Back off". The last I heard it
    > also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well.
    > One is Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race
    > through the letters and the other is a caricature of
    > me (Santa Claus) going wee wee on the Tooth Fairy.
    >
    > 7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle
    > on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not
    > be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead,
    > you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and
    > the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus
    > and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each
    > other.
    >
    > 8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd
    > make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other
    > way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
    > He's got a butt crack from hell.
    >
    > 9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung
    > about me like "Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer" and
    > Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." This
    > year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the
    > AM radio stations in the South. Those song title will
    > be Mark Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox";
    > Cledus T. Judd's "All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman
    > and a Six Pack", and Hank! Williams Jr.'s "If You
    > Don't Like Bubba Claus, You Can Shove It."
    >
    > Sincerely Yours, Santa Clause
    > (member of North American Fairies and Elves Local 209)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Bowdoinham, Maine
    Posts
    116

    Default

    Great one.... !!!! Gotta laugh hard and wear depends on that one!! hehe
    Silva, of the forest




    Beneath you, feel the Earth.
    Above you, feel the Sky.
    Around you, feel the presence and the Power
    of the Trees!

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