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Thread: Health Question & Answers Session

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Campobello Island, New Brunswick
    Posts
    398

    Default Health Question & Answers Session

    Q:I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

    A:Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend thelife of yourcar by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


    Q:Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.


    Q:Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

    A:No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.Bottoms up!

    Q:How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A:Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


    Q:What are so me of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

    A:Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

    Q:Aren't fried foods bad for you?

    A:You're not listening....Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


    Q:Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

    A:Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.



    Q:Is chocolate bad for me?

    A:Are you crazy?HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around!!


    Q:Is swimming good for your figure?

    A:If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.



    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Bangor, ME
    Posts
    3,961

    Default

    lol, I want to go to your doctor!!!
    Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.

  3. #3

    Default

    Hiram: for your eyes only....

    Subject: Retirement Planning

    If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year go, it would now be worth $49.00.

    With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

    With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

    But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank
    all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.

    Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink
    heavily and recycle.

    It's called the 401-Keg Plan.
    "It may be that your soul purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others" ~Steven Wright~
    I'm in my own little Lat/Lon

    “Danse avec les Arbres”

  4. #4

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Starzz View Post
    Q:Is chocolate bad for me?
    A:Are you crazy?HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around!!
    Now you have my attention...thank you thank you!
    "It may be that your soul purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others" ~Steven Wright~
    I'm in my own little Lat/Lon

    “Danse avec les Arbres”

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Bangor, ME
    Posts
    3,961

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Foxgloves View Post
    Hiram: for your eyes only....

    Subject: Retirement Planning

    If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year go, it would now be worth $49.00.

    With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

    With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

    But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank
    all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.

    Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink
    heavily and recycle.

    It's called the 401-Keg Plan.

    I'll drink to that!
    Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.

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