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Thread: Ponderisms - Things I Think About

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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
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    Solon, Maine
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    Default Ponderisms - Things I Think About

    I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned most people die of natural causes.

    There are two kinds of pedestrians......the quick and the dead.

    Life is sexually transmitted.

    Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

    The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

    Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.


    Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

    Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

    All of us could take a lesson from the weather: it pays no attention to criticism.

    In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

    How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'

    If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

    Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look anyway?

    If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

    Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive quicker?

    Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Augusta, Maine
    Posts
    499

    Default

    Why don't we call a Butterfly..... a Flutterby?

  3. #3
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    Aug 2008
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    America
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    How do you know what s%$t tastes like?
    I have no enemies, but I'm intensely disliked by my friends.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Bangor, ME
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ekidokai View Post
    How do you know what s%$t tastes like?
    Let my ex cook dinner for you?
    DNFTT! DNFTT! DNFTT!

    "The funniest thing about this particular signature is that by the time you realize it doesn't say anything it's to late to stop reading it..."

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Brewer, Maine
    Posts
    1,808

    Default

    How come people drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?
    How come people use hot water heaters. Who would want to heat hot water? (George Carlin)

  6. #6
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    Dec 2007
    Location
    Augusta, Maine
    Posts
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    Default

    Why aren't hemroids called astroids?

  7. #7
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    Dec 2006
    Location
    Orrington, Maine
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    Default

    Steven Wright and George Carlin.....now those two are thinkers!!!

  8. #8
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    Dec 2004
    Location
    Biddeford, Maine
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    311

    Default

    Why do they put preservatives in frozen foods? I actually saw this on some stuff I pulled out of our freezer.
    Oscilating between remarkable brillance and sheer stupidity with amazing regularity.

  9. #9
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    Dec 2007
    Location
    Augusta, Maine
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    Quote Originally Posted by EMSDanel View Post
    Steven Wright and George Carlin.....now those two are thinkers!!!
    And then there's ME!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Belgrade, Maine
    Posts
    953

    Default Ummmm

    Quote Originally Posted by Mapachi View Post
    And then there's ME!
    EMSDaniel said "THINKERS", not "STINKERS".

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